Missing her so much

My life has been forever changed. Just like that...in the blink of an eye, my life will never be the same. Not many people know exactly what happened to Bella....and I'm not sure it's the right time to explain, but I do want people to know, she was not just another handicap child who had fall victim  to her disease.
It was an accident that I wish had been handled differently. If it had...she would still be here with us.
I needed something to collect my thoughts, to share my deepest emotions, to help me grieve....so here I am. I invite you to come on my journey if you like.

Isabella Rose Herrera  07/30/04-01/26/12
She was the most beautiful baby. Head full of black hair. She was so tiny and I fell even more in love with her father that day when I watched him crying....falling in love with his new daughter. We called her Bella because she was just that... beautiful.

Such joy she brought us. Even as things got harder with her disability, she made everyday worth waking up to. She was my priority. My life was about my family and making her life as comfortable and magical as I could possibly make it. It isn't easy taking care of a disabled child, but to me, it was a privilege to care for her....and I would have done it till my last breath.

I miss her so much. Her smile, her giggles. I miss doing her hair. I loved her curly hair. I miss everything about her. I can remember her smell....it is so true, that a mother will remember her child's scent. I can still feel her fingers and her toes. I can close my eyes and I can still feel my hand caressing her face.

I remember that day so vividly...every detail. I bought her a new dress and she was so excited to wear it. It was Hello Kitty, her favorite, along with the color pink. I did her hair with a matching headband. Ava and I saw her off to school on the bus...and waving to her as I did every morning....with my index finger, and I blew her kisses with that one finger, wiggling it like a little worm....and she did it back to me. She was happy that day and I am so glad that I told her I loved her.
I just wish it wasn't the last time.