This morning was just like every other morning. I took Ava to school and walked her to class. But then, I saw one of Bella's favorite friends. She looked more grown up and was walking with a friend. Chatting as most 3rd graders would on the way to class. When she looked at me, I could see she didn't know what to do. She smiled politely and went on her way.
I instantly was filled with emotions and my mind was going in so many directions. Imagining it was Bella she was walking to class with. Thinking about what a wonderful little girl Bella was. Everyone loved her. Kids would argue on who would help her or sit next to her. She was so special. Her heart was pure and full of joy. She touched everyone she met. They could see her determination and her fight.
She was a girly girl. She liked to pick out her clothes. She wanted me to braid her hair. She loved playing barbies. Finding shoes for her was difficult, as her feet started to turn, but Dennis and I did everything we could to find her things that made her feel "normal" Glittery and sparkly things, pretty and fashionable things. We tried to give her everything she wanted.
Bella was an extremely intelligent girl. She could read at a 4th grade level in 2nd grade. What she lacked in strength, she made up for in brain power. She was so bright.
All these thoughts, going through my head. She should be here, experiencing life. As I get in my car to drive home, I can't help but to think about this very day 8 months ago. I look down and realize, I am wearing the very same outfit. I couldn't stop the tears.
For those who know me best, know, that I am not an openly emotional person. So coming here to write is one way for me to be expressive with my emotions. I know if I hold everything in, I'm likely to break at one point, and I'm not sure it would be pretty. So, thank you for listening. I feel much better.
Tip for the day....crying and driving is not recommended.
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